On a More Personal Note...

This post has been in the works for over a week now...


Let's back up 9 years to when Jacob was 6 months old. We lived in Vegas and recently found out I was pregnant with Joey. We were so excited!!

Upon talking to Terry, my big sis, she said Robin ( a girl we knew from church and Terry had been her beehive advisor ) had a 3 month old baby girl that she didn't think she could take care of. We jumped at the chance and said we'd take her!! We both LOVE kids so much and this was a great opportunity to help her out and we'd get a sweet baby in return ;)

So we drove to Mesa, Az. and called Robin to make sure she was still serious and she said come on over. We couldn't believe it!!

We picked her up and she was so tiny and cute, and we instantly fell in LOVE. We went to Target and bought a car seat and all the fun stuff she would need right off the bat and headed back to Terry's. No one could believe we had her and they were a little concerned because I was pregnant but we were sure we'd be fine and work things out.

Well once back in Vegas we got her on a feeding/sleeping schedule and she was doing so good, in three weeks we took her from 9 lbs to 13! Robin was calling all the while seeing how she was and thinking she had made a mistake. We tried to talk her out of it but after 1 month she wanted her back so with crushed hearts we drove back to Mesa and took her home, calling Robin all the while trying to change her mind.

Fast forward to my 8th month of pregnancy and I get a call from Robin asking if we wanted her back! Holy crap yes!!! I knew we were about to have our own but we never stopped loving her and jumped at the opportunity. I made arrangements for Jacob at his "second home" with Grandma Padgette and jumped on a plane to Mesa. Went back to Robin's and picked up my baby girl again, oh my gosh I was so happy!!

People at the airport thought I was NUTS! Carrying a car seat through the airport with a huge belly lol!! Let me tell you I was sooo out of breath by the time I got to my seat, I had to rush because I had to get home that day and the flights just worked out that way.

We had a fun family reunion that night with all of us and the Padgette's!! We were all so happy :)

Well, fast forward a few weeks and after talking to an attorney and through another round of phone calls and tons of tears we decided it was best that Robin was able to have her back. So with crushed hearts once again we drove back to Mesa and gave her up. What a heart wrenching time for both of us!

I talked to Terry all the time and she always told me she was fine but after about 3 months I told her no more just fine, tell me what's going on with her and she said:

"I didn't want you to know but she's in the Salt Lake area with another family"

She has always been on our thoughts and we have pics of her in our family photo frame. We thought that because Joey was born with a cleft lip/palate and we had to spend thousands of dollars and make numerous trips to Salt Lake that Heavenly Father knew what he was doing and it worked out for the best. It still didn't make the hurt go away but we did feel better about it.

About 2 months ago Robin found me on Facebook and asked if I wanted to see a picture of her... I was excited and agreed and then through computer problems it took her awhile to send the picture. The anticipation was almost more than I could take!!

Well, last week I got a message that Robin had posted something on my page and this is what I found:

Here is Patriot, her name is Emily now and she just turned 9.

WOW, she's so cute and she looks happy!

I didn't realize until a few days ago how depressed I really have been and it started the day I saw this.

I shouldn't be selfish and want another when I have 4 awesome, healthy, cute kiddos of my own but I'm at a loss for words.

She has been well taken care of and she's loved so that's all that matters ;)

Sorry for the book but I do feel better "talking" about it!